


the ashes we left;

by unintentionallyangsty



Series: New Asgard AU [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Thor: Ragnarok (2017) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brother Feels, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Comfort, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hair Braiding, Hair Brushing, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I love them okay, Loki & Thor Friendship (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Nightmares, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Protective Thor (Marvel), References to Depression, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26370400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty
Summary: Loki falls into a particularly bad spell of melancholy, and cannot seem to find the energy to draw himself out of it.Though taken off guard by the sudden turn, Thor refuses to leave his brother's side, and ultimately finds a way to remind Loki of exactly how valued he is, no matter how difficult the task.
Relationships: Loki & Thor, Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Series: New Asgard AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916323
Comments: 16
Kudos: 143





	the ashes we left;

**Author's Note:**

> **spoilers/warning!** : this story involves descriptions of depression, eating disorders, and a scene involving vomiting. please stay safe! xx
> 
> this takes place a few months after the events of 'i could use a bad disguise;', though it can be read as a stand-alone, if that's what you'd like. if the timeline seems at all confusing, that's probably just me being unintentionally inconsistent and has nothing at all to do with you! do with that what you will. 
> 
> (as always, working without a beta! all mistakes are my own).

Thor knew something was amiss the minute he awoke that morning. 

Frowning, he blinked blearily at the shafts of morning light streaming into the bedroom between his curtains, watching the dust float lazily in the air another long and silent moment before he rose to his elbows with a small groan. 

It was early yet, he reasoned. Normally, he would have fallen back to sleep with little trouble, sometimes so deeply that the Valkyrie could be found pounding on his door hours later, reminding him of a meeting or obligation he had slept through. 

Now, however, the faint sense of unease that had settled itself into the space between his ribs kept him from doing so, and Thor paused to listen for anything that might have awoken him so. 

When the thick silence of the house was his only answer, Thor felt his frown grow.

He might still yet be able to catch a few minutes more of sleep, he considered, before he shook the idea away hastily and rose so that he was sat on the edge of the mattress. 

He had learned long ago, often a bitter experience, that ignoring the deep sense of wrong he could feel beginning to pervade the edge of his consciousness now was never a wise move, even if nothing ultimately came from it. 

With a sigh, Thor rubbed both hands blearily over his face before rising to prepare for the day, still disoriented enough by his rude awakening to settle for scooping the first few articles of clothing he could find off the floor and dressing hastily. 

Loki would be appalled, he thought with a small smile, his own clothing always washed and neatly folded within the small dresser Thor had provided him with, as it was. 

This was a far simpler system, however, Thor mused as he exited the bedroom and made to cross the hallway to the bathroom. Surely Loki would approve of the efficient use of time, if nothing else. 

Speaking of which; 

Thor turned lazily to glance at the small living area Loki had more or less adapted as his own corner of the house, only to draw up short when he noticed Loki’s dark head of curls still heavy upon the pillows on the sofa, his face well hidden in the mounds of blankets atop him. 

Which was...not unheard of, but certainly unusual, at this hour. More often than not, Loki would awaken well before Thor, showered and fully aware enough to greet him from the kitchen table or, when Thor slept particularly late, simply having already left to tackle his list of tasks for the day. 

And though it was early yet, Thor felt himself frowning at the sight of his brother, still motionless beneath his blankets, now. 

He took a hesitant step forward, one arm already outstretched to shake Loki into wakefulness, only to draw up short in thought. 

Since when, after all, had Loki getting a little extra sleep ever been cause for concern? Norns knew he needed it, after all. 

And, Thor remembered belatedly now, Loki _had_ stayed up far past what was advisable, the few nights previous, in an attempt to finish his reports in time for the day’s council meeting. 

It was perfectly acceptable, therefore, that he might be attempting to rest a bit longer than was strictly normal for him. 

Preferable, even, Thor considered with a small smile. 

He turned to enter the bathroom, then, determined to leave his brother to his rest for as long as he needed it. 

\---

It was when Loki did not show up for the council meeting at noon that Thor allowed himself to begin to worry. 

He himself had spent the better part of the morning out and about in the village, leaving Loki to rest peacefully in confidence that he would awaken long before the meeting was due to start. 

When Thor had taken his seat at 11:50 and found that Loki was not already in the small hall they had dedicated to what remained of Asgard’s council, he began to grow curious. 

When the meeting began promptly at noon and Loki still had not shown up, Thor began to grow concerned. 

And, when 10 minutes into the meeting the door had not burst open to admit a late (probably unapologetic) Loki, Thor was near out of his mind with worry. 

He did not retain much information for the duration of the hour long meeting and, the second it was adjourned, Thor shot to his feet, hastily exiting the hall with a few pleasant nods to his companions before he fairly sprinted the distance between the hall and his own house. 

Nearly collapsing on the doorstep, Thor allowed himself a brief moment to steady his breaths before he surged forward and admitted himself entrance to the home. 

He blinked in surprise at the sudden darkness on the other side of the door, his eyes taking a moment to adjust before he took in his surroundings. 

The kitchen was empty, seemingly untouched since his own breakfast that morning, and one glance at the sitting area to the right confirmed the same. 

With a small exhale, Thor shut the door behind himself before delving further into the space, glancing briefly through the open door to his bedroom (empty) before he reached the living area. 

Immediately, his heart sank to his boots as he took in the lump beneath the blankets on the sofa that was undoubtedly Loki. 

Without thought, Thor hastened forward, falling to his knees beside the sofa and reaching out with both hands to shake at the limp figure’s shoulders. 

“Loki?” he inquired, his heart hammering so loudly in his ears he hardly heard his own voice. “ _Loki_.” 

There was a terrifyingly long pause, before the shoulders in Thor’s grip tensed and, after a moment, Loki’s bleary face peered out from beneath the mountain of blankets. 

Thor nearly collapsed in relief, falling back on his heels and releasing a long breath he hadn’t even realized he had been holding at the sight of his brother’s flushed face. 

“Loki,” he repeated, closing his eye briefly to compose himself before reaching forward to grasp at Loki’s shoulder, again. “Thank the Norns.” 

To Thor’s surprise, Loki’s features twisted into a frown, and he shifted further back into the sofa;

Away from Thor’s touch, Thor realized belatedly, and felt a frown of his own crease his face as he allowed his hand to fall limply back to his side. 

“Brother?” he inquired, “Are you well?” 

When Loki did not make to reply, only blinking owlishly at him from the corner he had hid himself in, Thor hesitated before extending the hand again to rest on Loki’s forehead. 

“ _Fine_ ,” Loki hissed, then, shaking his head to dislodge Thor’s hand with a scowl. 

And though Thor did have to admit that Loki’s forehead was cool to the touch, he found that he did not feel at all comforted by the fact. 

In other words, he felt as if things were far from _fine_. 

“You don’t look fine.” Thor argued gently, just barely resisting the urge to reach out again and begin running his fingers through Loki’s tangled curls. “You look terrible.” 

Loki huffed softly, though Thor was certain the sound would have been more like a derisive snort, were Loki at all at full energy. 

“A charming testament.” he whispered hoarsely, his gaze skittering away from Thor’s to study the wall over his shoulder. 

“Truly,” Thor replied, unwilling to be deterred even in the face of Loki’s brewing irritation. “You look ill.” 

“Do I feel ill?” Loki inquired, one brow raising slightly. 

“I--” Thor hesitated, before he deflated slightly with a small grimace. “No.” 

“Then you have your answer.” Loki replied quickly, before shifting so that he could bury his face back into the pillows propping his head up. “Now leave me be.” 

Thor opened his mouth to argue, only to be struck by a sudden memory, so strong he nearly reeled back with the force of it. 

_Loki, hardly older than 11 by Midgardian years, his complexion sallow and his small shoulders hunched nearly to his ears as he hid his face from Thor in the thick quilt draped atop him._

_“Leave me be, Thor.” he had murmured, only hunching further in on himself when their mother had entered to quietly escort a protesting Thor out of the room._

_“I don’t understand!” Thor had burst out, the minute Loki’s door had been quietly shut behind them, a pout already beginning to tug at his lip. “He isn’t ill! Why is he unwell?”_

_Immediately, Frigga had knelt to his level (though he was already beginning to rival her in height) and extended a hand to clasp warmly at Thor’s shoulder._

_“It is only a bout of melancholy.” she had murmured soothingly. “It will pass, and you may have your brother back. But for now,” she had added with a gentle sternness, “I ask that you allow him his peace.”_

At the time, Thor had not understood. It had not been an isolated incident, however, and slowly Loki’s occasional “bouts of melancholy” had become just another part of what made Loki _Loki_.

To Thor’s initial chagrin and, with time, mounting concern. 

Now, the similarities were too stark for Thor to ignore, and he cursed himself for not seeing the warning signs he had come to recognize in their youth sooner. 

It was not the first time Loki had exhibited such behavior since the destruction of Asgard, of course. Thor could recall a number of times on the _Statesman_ , and even in the time following, that Loki had drawn away from himself and their companions in such a fashion, quiet and withdrawn and utterly unwilling to accept anyone’s company. 

Then, however, he had usually been capable of functioning through a majority of the day, though he had often pleaded a headache or weariness (something Thor had seen through easily) before hastening to bed far earlier than his company. 

But this…it had been longer than Thor cared to remember since Loki had been laid so low he could scarcely draw himself from his bed. 

Since before his fall from the Bifrost, at the very least.

And, though he had not been able to do much for Loki then, Thor was determined to change this fact, now. 

“Alright, brother.” Thor murmured, taking care to keep his tone low and soothing the way he could remember their mother doing, in the past. “Do you need anything?” 

Immediately, Loki shook his head, his features twisting bitterly before he hid them behind the pile of blankets, again.

“Alright,” Thor repeated, hesitating before he stood and took a step backward. 

He knew, rationally, that leaving Loki alone with his own mind in his current state was probably not the best idea. 

However, with no idea of what else he could do for him, at the present moment, Thor fell back on their mother’s words from long ago.

“I’ll give you your space.” he whispered, taking another step back and, when Loki did not even shift in reply, turning to exit the room with a sinking heart. 

Thor hesitated briefly in the kitchen, debating preparing Loki something as light as a bowl of soup and coaxing him to eat, before he discarded the idea as a lost cause and exited the house entirely with a sigh. 

Outside, Thor squinted slightly in the sudden sunlight before allowing himself to take a seat on the doorstep with another weary exhale, hunching forward and propping both elbows on his knees as he mulled the situation over.

It was how the Valkyrie found him, not an hour later, her hands placed firmly on her hips as her gaze narrowed shrewdly. 

“Was wondering where you’d wandered off to.” she spoke, glancing briefly over Thor’s shoulder at the door behind before returning his weary gaze. “Everything alright, Highness?” 

“It--” Thor hesitated, something within his gut turning at the idea of verbally admitting that there was an actual problem, before he steeled himself and straightened slightly to admit, “It’s Loki.” 

Immediately, Val’s expression sharpened, and her shoulders drew up into a wary stance. 

“Are you alright?” 

Thor blinked, slightly taken aback by the words. “Yes, of course.” he replied, at once, wondering distantly how poorly he must look, to prompt the inquiry. 

Val nodded curtly, once, before she relaxed slightly, though her features had shifted into something almost concerned. “Is he alright?” she questioned, then, nose wrinkling slightly as she nodded in the direction of the house behind Thor. 

Thor paused, again, frowning slightly as he considered how best to respond to the words.

“He’s…unwell.” he admitted, at length, grimacing slightly when Val’s eyes widened slightly in alarm. 

“Should I get a healer?” she inquired, already tensing as if preparing to stride off. 

“No!” Thor interrupted, quickly, realizing belatedly that his hasty protest would no doubt require him to provide an explanation. 

Something that he was not entirely sure he was ready to do, just yet. 

“No,” Thor repeated, if nothing else than to buy himself a bit more time. “It’s nothing like that.” 

Val raised an unimpressed brow, at this, crossing both arms over her chest as she surveyed Thor with a knowing look. 

“He’s not unwell enough to need a healer?” she asked, brow furrowing slightly as she exaggeratedly considered the thought. 

The real question behind her words was evident, however, and Thor exhaled softly before replying. 

“He is unwell.” he repeated, “Though the nature of it would not be at all aided by the presence of a healer.” 

Something in Val’s face shifted at the admission, her features shuttering slightly into an unreadable expression before she nodded again in that same, matter of fact manner. 

“Right,” she replied, at last, glancing away briefly before she turned to hold Thor’s gaze boldly. 

“You have the day off.” she declared firmly, continuing before Thor could protest, “And you have my number. Text me if you need anything.” 

“I--” Thor began, blinking slightly before offering one slow nod of his own. “Thank you, Val.” 

“Don’t thank me.” Val replied, already turning on one heel to head back into the village before she paused, studying her boots briefly before turning over her shoulder to shoot Thor a significant look. “Just--look after him.” 

With that, she was gone, turning and hastening away before Thor could even begin to formulate a response. 

And, when the implications behind her words truly caught up with Thor, he deflated slightly, falling back against the door behind with a small huff. 

It was just him now, he considered. Him and his own poor attempts at making things right. 

Thor allowed himself another small sigh before he lurched to his feet, knowing well that there was a stack of reports on the kitchen table inside that could occupy him until the evening, at least. 

For now, he would allow Loki his peace. There were a few hours until sunset, yet, and there was little harm in allowing his brother to spend them regaining his energy through sleep. 

The thought firmly in mind, Thor turned and let himself quietly into the darkened house, forcing himself to begin work immediately instead of following his instinct to hasten back to Loki’s sofa and draw his brother into a firm embrace. 

There would be time enough for that later, he reasoned with himself mentally.

For now, he would allow himself to fall into the comforting familiarity of his work, if only for a distraction from the turmoil he could feel beginning to turn his stomach, the more he considered the present situation. 

\---

Thor gave his brother exactly three hours and, when he had exhausted his pile of reports and Loki still had not moved from his space on the sofa, he decided to take matters into his own hands. 

He rose from his seat at the dining table with little preamble, his heart stuttering slightly in the face of what he was about to do and, before he could rethink the action, ventured back into the living space, stopping only briefly to reassure himself that Loki was still huddled on the sofa before he crossed the room on unsteady legs to kneel again beside the sofa. 

“Loki,” he whispered, taking care to keep his touch gentle when he gripped at Loki’s arm. “Are you awake, brother?” 

Loki groaned softly in reply, though his eyes seemed slightly more coherent when he met Thor’s, now, than they had been previously. 

“I am sorry to disturb you, brother.” Thor offered sincerely, before hastening to add, “I only thought--It’s grown quite late, and you should eat something, today.” 

Getting Loki back onto a somewhat regulated eating schedule had been something of an uphill battle, and one Thor was not particularly keen on allowing to slide back to its starting point. 

They had only just recently succeeded in encouraging Loki to partake in three (albeit small) meals a day, after all. To allow that effort to slip now, therefore, would no doubt develop into a monumental setback. 

The thought firmly in mind, Thor kept his hold firm on Loki’s arm, his expression steely and determined. 

“Nn--” Loki mumbled, shifting so that he could drop his gaze from Thor’s with relative ease and drawing the pillow he had been clutching up to hide his mouth and nose from view. 

“Loki, “ Thor chided, gently, “You cannot stay here forever.” 

And try as he might, the words seemed the wrong thing to say, for almost immediately Loki seemed to bristle and draw back from his touch with an unpleasant hiss. 

Thor fought the urge to roll his eyes, and instead shifted closer, ignoring the way Loki’s eyes went slightly wide at the proximity. 

“You know I mean no harm.” he intoned, “I only wish to help you. But,” he began, when Loki opened his mouth as if to argue, “I cannot do so unless you are willing to help yourself.” 

A brief silence fell between the two of them, then, and Loki stiffened somewhat, eyeing Thor warily for a long moment through narrowed eyes. 

And Thor did his best to widen his remaining eye pleadingly, mouth turning down into a pout he was sure might rival those of his youth, when he would use the expression to convince his brother to join him on any hunt or excursion with an almost perfectly successful track record. 

Now, Loki only studied his face with no small amount of suspicion and mild distaste, before he heaved a heavy sigh and glanced away, his hair falling forward into a curtain that hid his expression almost entirely. 

“If that is what you wish.” he muttered, and Thor nearly cheered outright at the half-success. 

“It’ll be something light!” he encouraged, grasping at Loki’s elbow and humming encouragingly when the latter began to shift hesitantly into an upright position. 

“I have broth.” Thor offered, when Loki made to stand, only to waver so unsteadily for a moment that Thor nearly surged forward to keep him on his feet, before he steadied himself, lips tightening into a thin, firm line. 

“Or that pasta Val and I made last week.” Thor continued as they moved slowly into the kitchen. “Or--” 

“Broth.” Loki interrupted, swallowing thickly as he allowed himself to be led to the nearest dining chair. “Will do just fine.” 

“Broth.” Thor repeated, and nodded a little wildly before he turned to hastily begin searching the cupboards for the promised can of soup. “Of course.” 

Nearly 15 minutes passed between Thor setting the soup on to boil and his pouring a generous helping into a bowl, though it felt a lifetime, for all of Loki’s silence.

As he placed the steaming bowl before his brother, Thor could not help the twist his stomach gave as he took in Loki’s vacant stare, his hands twisted tightly together in his lap.

“Loki?” Thor prodded, taking the seat opposite his brother and eyeing him warily. 

There was a beat, before Loki’s wayward gaze drifted to Thor’s own, and his brows furrowed as he glanced warily between him and the bowl before him in something almost like confusion. 

“Your broth.” Thor encouraged, gently, fighting the urge to stand and round the table again to place the spoon into Loki’s hand himself. 

“My--” Loki murmured, before his clouded expression cleared, ever so slightly, and he frowned down at the bowl as if seeing it for the first time. 

“Will you not eat?” Thor encouraged, at length, when Loki still had not made to take the spoon. 

“I--” Loki began, the sound more a croak than anything, and he cleared his throat slightly before continuing, “Just a moment.” 

Thor opened his mouth to argue almost immediately, only to be halted by Loki’s somewhat pleading expression as his eyes skittered to meet his. 

“I--Alright.” Thor relented, at last, forcing himself to relax back into his chair and, when Loki seemed to tense further beneath his stare, averted his gaze politely. “Just a moment, then.” 

The following silence was near-deafening, and drew on long enough that Thor felt near ready to burst with impatience when finally, _finally_ , the sound of Loki’s spoon clinking against the side of his bowl echoed through the room. 

Thor fought not to react, though a quick glimpse back in Loki’s direction suggested that he had not succeeded as he had hoped, if Loki’s still tense shoulders were anything to go by. 

For want of anything better to do, Thor nodded encouragingly, once, before beginning to pick at the balls of lint burring on the sleeves of his thick woolen flannel as Loki continued to eat in silence. 

He would have gotten a book or more reports to occupy himself, he considered, were he not certain that the movement of him rising now would more likely than not startle Loki out of any small desire he had to finish his meal, at all. 

So he forced himself to remain still, only glancing back up when the sounds of Loki’s eating slowed and, eventually, stopped altogether. 

To Thor’s dismay, the bowl of soup was still more than half full, but he felt reluctant to push his luck, especially in the face of Loki’s waxen features and wide, somewhat wild eyes. 

Or the way his hands trembled faintly as he dropped the spoon in his grip back into the bowl with a clatter, as if the utensil had burned him. 

“Loki?” Thor inquired, when it seemed that his brother did not intend to speak or move any time soon. “Are you--” 

“May I go now?” Loki interrupted, his tone smooth and lifeless as he continued to study the table beneath his still trembling hands. 

Thor felt his heart twist. “Loki--”

“Please?” Loki pleaded, a barely there quaver behind the word, and glanced briefly up to meet Thor’s eye, revealing his own to be red-rimmed and near heartbreakingly unsure. 

Thor hesitated, before releasing a soft exhale and glancing away. 

“Of course, Loki.” he murmured, fighting not to react when Loki almost immediately lurched to his feet, his chair scraping noisily against the floor below as he hastened to put some distance between himself and the table. 

The two studied each other for a long moment, the only sound in the room Loki’s breaths leaving him in harsh pants, and Thor opened his mouth to (what? protest? comfort? _something_ ,) only for Loki to shake his head sharply, once, exhaling something almost like a whimper before he turned on his heel and disappeared into the back room again, before Thor could so much as utter a word. 

Thor watched his departure helplessly, fighting every instinct in his body telling him to follow and offer what little comfort he could, even now. 

Instead, he simply fell forward, planting both elbows on the table before burying his face in his hands and willing himself to forget the haunted look that had flickered over Loki’s features before he had disappeared. 

Thor was struck, then, by the distant realization then that he had no idea how to handle this, and that this (whatever _this_ was) was far from over. 

However vehemently he wished it were otherwise. 

\---

Thor couldn’t determine whether it had been hours or a scarce few minutes since he had fallen asleep before a commotion drew him roughly from his light and restless slumber. 

What he was certain of, however, was that the _thump_ from outside his door was undoubtedly that of a body hitting the floor, quickly followed by the bathroom door being unceremoniously thrown open and hitting the opposite wall with a bang. 

“ _Damn_ ,” Thor cursed, before tumbling out of bed and hastening to cross the room, tossing his own door hastily open before stumbling into the still open bathroom. 

He blinked the last of his sleep blearily from his eye in the dark for a moment, before his sight adjusted to take in the figure hunched pitifully over the toilet in the corner, breaths coming out in sharp pants for a moment before they broke off into a miserable sounding retch. 

“Oh, Loki.” Thor breathed, not hesitating before falling forward to kneel beside his brother, one arm going to wrap around his shuddering shoulders while the other hand rose to gather Loki’s dark and matted locks loosely behind his head. 

“I’m so sorry, brother.” Thor soothed, something in his gut lurching when Loki moaned weakly in reply before surfacing to rest his forehead on the porcelain of the toilet seat, taking deep, gasping breaths in an attempt to steady himself. 

“Not--” Loki began, only to cut himself off with another gag, and he leaned forward to retch helplessly again before gasping out, “Not your fault.” 

Thor grimaced sympathetically, the hand not holding Loki’s hair moving to rub gently at Loki’s shoulder. 

“I should have seen how unwell you were, before.” he argued, shaking his head slightly and glancing away as a nagging sense of guilt began to build within his chest. “And for that I am sorry.”

Loki only gagged once again in reply, bringing nothing but stringy bile up now, before he all but collapsed forward, both arms going to wrap tightly around his middle with a low moan. 

“That’s alright.” Thor whispered, tucking a stray lock of hair behind Loki’s ear before moving to prop his brother up against the wall behind. “I’ll just--” 

He cut himself off to stand, reaching for the small cup that held their toothbrushes and quickly dumping the items into the sink before filling the glass with water from the tap. 

“Here,” he murmured, crouching again at Loki’s side and winding his arm back around his shoulders, drawing him closer before bringing the water to his lips. “Just a small bit.” 

Blessedly, Loki did not seem to have the energy to argue, and his eyes fluttered slightly as he took a few timid sips of the water before his nose scrunched and he turned away. 

“That’s alright.” Thor repeated, hastily placing the glass on the floor beside them before turning to wrap Loki in both arms, now. “Good job. You did well!” 

Normally, Thor considered, Loki would have bristled and waved the praise off irritably. 

Now, however, he only swallowed, once, twice, his throat bobbing so violently with the movement Thor was briefly frightened that he was going to bring the scant few sips of water back up, before he simply fell forward to hide his chalky face behind his knees. 

“It’s alright.” Thor crooned, fear beginning to claw at his stomach when Loki did not respond beyond a small exhale that sounded suspiciously close to a sob. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Thor breathed, leaning down to briefly press his forehead to the top of Loki’s head and allowing himself a moment to simply breathe, before he drew back and squeezed slightly at one of Loki’s shoulders. 

“Do you feel up to getting back to bed?” he inquired, at length, taking care to keep his tone low and undemanding.

Loki did not reply for a long moment, simply taking large gulps of air from where his face remained hidden behind his folded arms, before he paused and straightened, gaze held carefully averted and brow furrowed as he nodded slightly. 

“Alright,” Thor agreed readily, reluctantly detangling himself from Loki’s still-tense frame to stand and reach a hand back for his brother. 

“Do you--” 

Loki shook his head firmly, something like frustration coloring his features at the aborted offer of help. 

They were still working on that, Thor reminded himself distantly. 

Loki paused, briefly, and inhaled a small breath before he shifted so that his legs were back beneath him, reaching a hand out to steady himself on the wall behind before he rose unsteadily to his feet. 

“Alright,” Thor repeated, if only for lack of anything better to say to fill the silence, and hesitated a moment before extending one hand to rest gently at the crook of Loki’s elbow. 

Loki did not bother to pull away, and Thor took it as his cue to begin leading them out of the bathroom, ignoring Loki’s blearily confused expression as he bypassed the sofa and continued to his own bedroom. 

“Thor--” Loki protested as Thor seated him on the edge of his mattress with a gentle but unrelenting nudge. “I don’t--”

“Hush,” Thor interrupted, crossing the room to open the wardrobe in the corner and rifling through its contents only a moment before he found what he was looking for. 

“It’s more comfortable here, and you know it.” he continued, returning to the bedside with a thick quilt in his arms. 

It was a winter blanket, stitched and padded so thickly it was near too-warm for Thor even in the coldest months. 

Loki, however, had seemed particularly fond of it, the last time Thor had left it lying about, and had subsequently spent every night for two weeks wrapped in its warmth before he had reluctantly returned it to the top shelf of Thor’s wardrobe when spring had begun to thaw. 

It seemed exactly what he might need now, however, perched hesitantly as he was on the edge of Thor’s bed with his hands fidgeting in his lap, his teeth chattering slightly as he warily watched Thor approach. 

“Really,” Loki was protesting, glancing briefly at the door before placing both hands on the mattress at his sides as if preparing to stand. “It’s not necessary.” 

“Maybe not.” Thor shrugged slightly, doing his best to remain seemingly unaffected. “You may leave, if you wish.” 

He would not have said it, relatively confident that Loki would have taken him up on the offer without another word, in most cases, had he not seen the way Loki’s eyes had flickered hopefully to the quilt in his arms moments before. 

Thor allowed his brother another moment to make his decision, only to chuckle softly when Loki deflated visibly. 

“Fine,” Loki murmured, another visible shudder causing him to curl further in on himself, gritting his teeth as if to silence their chattering. “Happy?” 

“Delighted.” Thor replied drily, before shaking the blanket in his arms to air it out. 

“This,” he began, reaching forward to drape the blanket over Loki’s hunched frame, tightening it around his shoulders before he could react. “Is for you.” 

It was a testament to how poorly he must be feeling when, after a beat, Loki accepted the gift without a word of protest, both hands curling into the fabric at either end as he overlapped the corners beneath his chin. 

His eyes fluttered briefly shut, and Thor took the moment to cross the room to grab the armchair in the corner, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth at the sound of Loki inhaling the scent of the blanket softly behind him. 

“You--” Loki began shaking his head when Thor turned and placed the chair beside the bed. 

“You need to rest.” Thor interjected gently. “I will not impede upon that.”

“That cannot be comfortable.” Loki glanced pointedly down at the chair, though the words were weak even to Thor’s ears. “And there is room. I--”

“You’ll sleep more comfortably with some space to yourself.” Thor continued. 

He knew without a doubt that he was correct. The bed was large enough to fit the both of them, and had a handful of times in the past year, but Loki had a better chance of sleeping through the rest of the night with the space to himself. 

He also knew that Loki was well aware of this, as well. 

“I’ll not be convinced to take the sofa, either.” Thor spoke, when Loki opened his mouth to argue. “I’ve slept in much worse conditions. This isn’t a conversation.” he finished, shooting Loki a warning look when it seemed he might protest. 

Loki hesitated, gaze flickering over Thor’s face for a moment before it dropped abruptly, though Thor had a feeling that the scrutiny might have continued until Thor’s resolve broke, were Loki not running on the last reserves of his energy. 

As if on cue, Loki began a deep yawn, hiding his face in the blanket briefly and stifling the sound when he noticed Thor’s pointedly raised brow. 

“Alright.” he croaked, at last, his shoulders falling impossibly further as he drew his legs up to curl beneath him, seeming to consider speaking again before he simply shrugged and fell silent. 

“It’s no bother,” Thor murmured reassuringly, when it seemed that Loki was seconds away from either pouting or simply bursting into tears. 

Rather than do either, however, Loki simply tensed before curling the blanket tighter around himself and pitching to the side so he could curl against the pillows at the head of the bed with a soft and weary exhale. 

Thor prepared himself for a waspish remark or jab and, when Loki only allowed his eyes to flutter closed and burrowed further into the heavy quilt, he wilted slightly. 

Though why he should be disappointed that Loki was not actively taunting or mocking him was, in all honesty, well beyond him.

“Do you need anything?” Thor forced himself to ask, when it seemed that Loki would not move.

In reply, Loki only burrowed further into the quilt, his face well hidden and his shoulders hunched defensively, even now. 

Thor realized, then, that silence was to be his only answer, and he exhaled mightily before falling into the chair behind, fighting the disappointment he could feel beginning to creep into the edges of his consciousness. 

Loki was resting and comfortable, after all. Was that not enough? 

The thought firmly in mind, Thor settled further into his seat, reaching down to draw one of the blankets on the floor over his lap and offering Loki a small smile, though he could not see it. 

“Sleep well, brother.” he murmured and, knowing that he would receive no further reply tonight, allowed himself to fall back into a light slumber, for the time being. 

\---

When Thor awoke the morning following, the bed before him was empty, the sheets dishevelled and one pillow perilously close to toppling to the floor. 

With a start, Thor straightened in his chair, ignoring the groan of protest his neck gave at the sudden movement and effectively dislodging his feet from where they had become perched on the edge of the mattress, sometime in the night. 

“Loki?” he called, immediately standing and, after casting a cursory glance around the otherwise empty room, hastened to exit. 

His worry, however, was short lived. For the moment Thor stepped out of his bedroom, his eyes fell on a figure curled on the sofa, face hardly visible beneath the thick quilt laid upon it. 

Thor allowed himself a moment to exhale slowly, though his relief quickly gave way to yet more concern when he glanced into the kitchen to note the time on the clock that hung above the stove.

Nearly 11am. Not an unheard of time for Thor to be awakening, but Loki…

This, coupled with the fact that Loki had not at all made an effort to make Thor’s bed before he had exited the room, told Thor everything he needed to know. 

“Loki?” he inquired, anyway, allowing himself to take another hesitant step into the living space. “Are you still feeling poorly?” 

And, when Loki did not reply beyond curling slightly further into himself, Thor’s mind was already made up. 

Quietly, as not to disturb his brother, Thor retreated back into the relative safety of his bedroom to grab his mobile phone from where it sat on the edge of the bedside table (where it lived, more or less, as Thor had never really made an effort to get the hang of it). 

He fumbled for a moment, squinting blearily at the small text on the screen (though Bruce had assured him that he had made it as large as it would go) before tapping out a quick text. 

_Need another day off._ it read, and Thor hesitated before tacking on a hasty, _Please_ , before shooting the message off to Val. 

Feeling somewhat hollow, now, Thor collapsed back into the chair at the bedside, running one hand wearily over his mouth as he weighed his options. 

Certainly, this was not the longest time Loki had been struck by low spirits. On the contrary, Thor could remember times in their childhood wherein Loki would remain in his chambers for nearly a week, hardly stirring from bed beyond when their mother insisted it. 

He frowned at the memory, now, an ugly fear beginning to claw its way into his heart when he considered that this spell might follow a similar pattern. 

Similar, save for the fact that they did not have their mother there to help, now, and Thor had obligations as king that would, inevitably, crop up and threaten to draw him away from his brother’s side. 

Were that the case, he considered, he supposed he could leave the Valkyrie to keep watch, loathe as she would undoubtedly be to fulfill such a request. 

_“I’m not a babysitter.”_ Thor could practically hear her objecting, a small smile twisting the corner of his mouth, in spite of himself. 

And Banner had left New Asgard nearly three months before to return to New York and stay with Stark a while, though Thor doubted that he would have been any better suited for the job, given Loki’s lingering determination to avoid being left alone with the man, if at all possible.

There was, of course, always the option of leaving Loki on his own and making sure to drop in frequently throughout the day to monitor his condition, though Thor knew the additional attention would be more frustrating for his brother, than anything else. 

The option would also require Thor to leave Loki alone in the first place, which was something he did not feel particularly comfortable doing, at present. 

Although certainly, Loki had been more or less so in their youth, when he all but locked himself away in his chambers. 

But that had been Loki then. 

And, reluctant though Thor was to admit it, he had less faith in leaving Loki alone as he was feeling now, at this point in time, than he ever had in their youth. 

Whether this sentiment stemmed from his own gained maturity and awareness of that beyond himself since their youth, or the memory of Loki listlessly loosening his grip on Gungnir...followed the wild look in his eyes, afterward, on Midgard… 

With a small grimace, Thor tore his mind away from those particular memories, resolving to himself that no, leaving Loki alone at present was not a desirable option. 

The sound of the front door being opened drew Thor roughly back to the present moment, and he took a moment to register what that might have meant before he sprang to his feet and nearly sprinted to the hallway, images of Loki stumbling out into the village, eyes locked on the cliffside and the sea below not 100 yards from their front doorstep…

He drew up short, therefore, when he turned the corner into the entryway, only to be faced with the Valkyrie, her arms crossed and an indignant expression on her face. 

“What do you mean another day?” she all but demanded, brusquely continuing over Thor’s attempts to shush her. “You’ve got a list a mile long!” 

“Shh--” Thor shushed, again, gesturing frantically to the room behind. “I know. Please, just--”

Val paused, her gaze flickering to the back living area curiously. 

“Is he back there?” she inquired, though Thor was pleased to note that she had lowered her voice considerably. 

“Yes,” he returned, knowing that there would be little point in lying. “But--” 

Before he could continue, Val skirted around him and, pointedly ignoring Thor’s protests, strode into the back room. 

Thor hesitated only briefly before he surged forward, determined to at least break up whatever quarrel might result from the Valkyrie all but bursting into Loki’s space, only to nearly run smack into Val hastily making her way back out. 

“What--” 

“You need a day off.” Val interrupted, and, before Thor could so much as glance into the room over her shoulder, grabbed his arm and drug him toward the front door. 

“Val--Wait--” Thor attempted to protest, though he allowed himself to be manhandled onto the doorstep before Val firmly shut the front door behind the two of them. “What--” 

“What happened?” she all but demanded, placing both hands on her hips and tilting her chin up to meet Thor’s gaze evenly. 

“Happened?” Thor repeated, shaking his head slightly in confusion. “What do you mean? I told you he was unwell.” 

“That--” Val began, cutting herself off to inhale sharply before she continued, “That’s more than unwell. That’s--Something happened.” 

Thor frowned, and allowed his gaze to flicker over the Valkyrie’s tight features before he spoke again. “What do you mean? What did he say to you?”

“Nothing.” Val confirmed at once, so quickly Thor had no trouble believing her. “He just--Stared.” 

Thor blinked, his stomach twisting unpleasantly as the words registered. “He saw you?” 

“He looked.” Val replied, shifting to cross her arms over her chest and shrugging slightly. “ _Saw_ me, though? I don’t know.” 

There was a beat, neither seeming to know how to fill the silence as the words sank in between them. 

Val cleared her throat, then. “How long has he been like--like that?” she inquired, at length, grimacing slightly as if uncomfortable with her own choice of words. 

“Since yesterday morning.” Thor supplied. “I could not rouse him, and he has hardly moved since. What,” he began, nearly afraid to voice the question but determined, all the same. “What did you mean ‘something happened’?” 

“I--” Val glanced away and made a face, seeming to mull her words over carefully before she spoke again. 

“He has a look.” she replied, finally, speaking slowly, almost hesitantly, in a fashion so unbecoming of her normal demeanor Thor felt worry beginning to prickle at the back of his neck. “Like--I don’t know. Like he’s afraid of something, maybe. I’ve seen it before.” she murmured, so low the words were almost inaudible, before something flickered over her features and she straightened slightly to add, louder now, “I don’t know. But something definitely happened.” 

“What could have happened?” Thor questioned, feeling infuriatingly helpless in the face of her insistence. “I’ve been with him nearly every waking moment since he became like this.” 

“I don’t know.” Val repeated with another shrug. “But take the day. Get him out of the house. The gardens, maybe.” she raised both brows pointedly. “He needs to get out. Get outside himself, at any rate.” 

At the words, Thor felt himself freeze, his breath beginning to leave him in shorter pants at the idea of forcing Loki to do anything he did not wish to. 

Particularly in this more...sullen state. 

“What?” Val prodded, furrowing her brow and shaking her head slightly in the face of Thor’s obvious reluctance. 

“It’s--” he cut himself off, inhaling slightly and gesturing a bit helplessly. “You know how he can be.” 

Val snorted, though it was not an unkind sound. “I think we all do.” 

“He will not be easily moved.” Thor supplied, when it seemed that was all Val was going to offer. 

“Nobody said it would be easy.” Val returned, at once, though the small wince she gave was slightly sympathetic. “But he needs it. And you’re the best person to do it.” 

Thor wrinkled his nose and glanced away, allowing himself to bite at the inside of his cheek for a moment before he nodded readily. 

“Good.” Val replied, nodding once and, after a brief moment’s hesitation, reached forward to nudge Thor’s arm gently. “Good luck, then.” 

“Thank you.” Thor replied mulishly, making a show of rubbing at his arm with an exaggerated wince. 

Val rolled her eyes with a small smile, already turning on one heel to begin striding unapologetically away. 

“Text if you need!” she called without turning, before disappearing around the corner. 

“Thank you!” Thor called back, a bit more genuinely, now, before he fell back a step with a small sigh. 

“You can handle this,” he muttered to himself, if for nothing else than to fill the suddenly oppressive silence and, with a deep and steeling breath, turned to enter the house again. 

\---

To Thor’s surprise, Loki was sat upright on the sofa when he reentered the living room, eyes heavy lidded but aware enough as they tracked Thor’s approach through a curtain of dark, mangled curls. 

“If I am that much of a burden,” he spoke, before Thor could even begin to think of what to say. “You are free to go. Do not let me keep you here.” he added, before turning listlessly away to study the far wall. 

“You are not.” Thor murmured, knowing full well it was better to get to the crux of the issue, rather than feign ignorance, when it came to Loki. 

“No?” Loki sneered, slightly, though the expression was betrayed slightly by the weak croak of his voice. “You clearly have more important things that require your attention.” 

“Val can take care of whatever might be needed of me today.” Thor reassured, taking another tentative step into the room and crossing his arms to keep from fidgeting. 

“Yes, because she seemed so keen.” Loki growled. 

Thor frowned slightly at the words. “You know how she is.” he dismissed, a touch reluctantly. “She--” 

“I am not a child!” Loki barked, and Thor nearly fell back a step at the sudden rise in volume, and the way Loki’s somewhat wild gaze snapped back to him. 

“I do not need to be coddled or--or watched over.” he continued, words dripping with venom. “You need not remain with me out of some misplaced sense of duty.” 

“No,” Thor cut in, taking another step forward to kneel next to the sofa and ignoring how Loki drew back with a hiss. “I do not remain out of duty, but out of my own desire.” 

“It is foolishness.” Loki snapped with a scowl, before his gaze skittered out from beneath Thor’s own patient one. “I do not require your company.” he added petulantly. 

“But I ask that you accept it, all the same.” Thor pleaded, and swallowed before continuing, “Brother,” 

Loki’s lip drew back unpleasantly to reveal his teeth, though he did not make to speak, so Thor only sighed before adding, “Please.” 

Something in Loki’s expression shifted, then, his features tightening as he swallowed audibly, before he pursed his lips and blinked several times in succession. 

“I hardly think I could stop you.” he muttered at last, as if it were a large inconvenience on his part, and glanced briefly up at Thor through his lashes before allowing his gaze to fall again. 

Determined not to appear too triumphant as he was, Thor could not have helped the beaming smile that spread across his face at the familiar show of exaggerated reluctance if he had tried.

“I thank you, brother.” he murmured and, before he could stop himself, reached forward to cup the side of Loki’s neck gently, his heart trilling ecstatically when Loki did not pull away from the touch. 

Beneath his hand, Loki’s normally pristinely kept, silky curls were sticky and tangled, and Thor fought the urge to frown at the sensation. 

He was struck, then, by a memory, and with it an idea so sudden he had to fight a surprised bark of laughter that threatened to bubble to the surface in the face of it. 

Instead, he simply tightened his hold briefly before surging to his feet, not missing the brief flicker of disappointment over Loki’s features when he drew away, though he would never acknowledge it aloud. 

“We have the afternoon.” he spoke casually, his mind already beginning to run through the preparations for the plan rapidly forming there as he continued, “And I intend to take my lunch. Can I get you anything?” 

Loki seemed ready to bristle at what he would no doubt call Thor’s “coddling”, though he deflated not a moment later and, after a brief hesitation, glanced up at Thor to mutter a quick, “Water?” 

Thor fought another frown at Loki’s seeming lack of interest in the prospect of food, though he would concede that it was somewhat understandable, at present. 

He knew which battles to leave unfought, however, and only smiled brightly at the fact that Loki had felt comfortable enough to request anything, at all. 

It meant progress, however little, and for that he was grateful. 

“Very well.” he replied, before turning on his heel to head for the kitchen. 

Besides, he reasoned to himself as he fetched Loki’s favorite mug (one, to the Valkyrie’s endless delight, patterned with small and delicate flowers) and began to fill it with water, all was not lost. 

If the afternoon went as he planned, Loki would be feeling well enough to eat by breakfast the following day, at the very latest. 

\---

“I was thinking we might take a walk.” Loki stiffened slightly at Thor’s words, and lazily turned the page of the book in his lap as if it were far more interesting than anything Thor had to suggest, before he glanced up with a slightly raised brow. 

“Pardon?” 

“Only it’s a remarkably clear day.” Thor leaned casually against the doorframe and nodded at the sunlight streaming in through the window above the sofa Loki was still sat upon. “The sunset is sure to be beautiful.” 

Loki followed Thor’s gaze dutifully, blinking slightly at the window before a small frown creased his features. 

“I--” he grimaced, slightly, and made to turn his attention fully back to his book. “Perhaps another day.” 

Thor felt his heart sink slightly at the quick dismissal, though he knew better than to be dissuaded so quickly. 

He had, after all, known from the beginning that this would not be an easy venture and, besides that, had plenty of practice convincing Loki to join him on excursions of his own design. 

“And what day could be better than today?” Thor cried, now, crossing the room to perch himself on the armrest of the sofa, only grinning slightly in the face of Loki’s vaguely irritated glance. “Come on, brother! You’ve slept quite enough.” 

In truth, it was only the long nap Loki had fallen into earlier that day and, subsequently, the faint improvement to his mood following his reawakening, that gave Thor the confidence to push as far as he already had. 

Were Loki still as listless as he had been that morning, Thor would have been content to allow his brother his space as long as he needed, the Valkyrie’s chiding be damned. 

As it were, he was well aware of the merit behind her suggestion and, for the first time since the morning before, felt relatively confident in his chances of actually succeeding in his efforts toward such an outcome. 

Now, Loki scowled slightly, and moved to scoot a bit further from Thor’s domineering presence in an exaggerated manner before pointedly glancing back down at the book. 

“I thought you wanted me to sleep.” he quipped, though there was no real heat behind the words. 

“And sleep you have.” Thor pointed out readily. “But I believe, dear brother, that some fresh air might do us both some good!” 

“If you so desire it, then by all means.” Loki gestured vaguely toward the front door without looking up. “Enjoy yourself.” 

This was, Thor realized distantly, the moment that might truly secure the success or failure of his plan, and he took a deep breath before rising to his feet and rounding the sofa so he was back in Loki’s line of sight. 

“But I cannot.” he pleaded, raising both brows and turning his mouth down into a low pout. “How could I enjoy such an evening when I know that you are not there to enjoy it with me?” 

Loki’s own mouth turned down into a distasteful grimace and, after a moment, he glanced back up to shoot Thor a dry look. 

“You’re up to something.” 

It wasn’t a question, and Thor was torn between wincing in guilt and his desire to cheer outright at the familiar show of scrutiny. 

Rather than do either, Thor simply shook his head slightly.

“Why would I be?” he replied innocently, knowing well that the effort was somewhat useless in the face of his audience. 

Loki sighed, looking as if he would have rolled his eyes, had he more energy. 

It wasn’t a rejection, however, and Thor felt satisfied in that, at least. 

After a brief pause, Loki’s gaze fell to the side, his brow furrowing as he seemed to turn the offer over in his mind. 

“Thor--” he began, at length, a bit of the previous weariness falling over his figure like a shroud. “I--”

“It will just be a short walk.” Thor insisted, tightening his hands into fists at his sides in order to fight the urge to swoop forward and comfort. “Just to the hill above the gardens.” 

At the mention of his gardens, Loki’s expression faltered, and he bit his lower lip for a moment as if carefully considering the words. 

“I will let you wear the flannel.” Thor added, knowing that using Loki’s love for Thor’s thick, green flannel was a dangerous and somewhat dirty play, considering neither of them had ever acknowledged the sentiment out loud, but determined, all the same. 

It seemed to have the desired effect, at any rate, for Loki faltered visibly, his gaze flickering briefly back to the window before it tentatively met Thor’s.

“Just sunset?” he inquired, finally, tone somewhat lower and less confident than it had been even moments before. 

“Just until then.” Thor reassured, unable to help the grin he could feel beginning to spread across his face at the victory within his grasp. 

And, at last, Loki inhaled a long sigh, glancing away to truly roll his eyes, now. 

“Just until then.” he repeated, the words unmistakably a warning, before he set the book aside.

He paused briefly, as if working himself up to something, and, after a brief glance up at Thor, made to stand. 

Thor nearly strode forward to help, only for Loki’s warning look to keep him rooted where he was, watching as Loki swayed ever so slightly before he steeled himself with a small shake of his head. 

“Well?” he prompted, a light flush dusting his cheeks as he gestured vaguely in the direction of the hallway. “I was promised a flannel.” 

Thor released a small and delighted chuckle, just barely fighting the urge to swoop forward and press a kiss to Loki’s head, and instead turned to fetch the promised item with eager steps while Loki glowered mildly behind him. 

\---

“A bag?”

Loki was raising one brow pointedly when Thor turned to face where he was leaning heavily on the front door frame. 

Thor glanced briefly down at the backpack slung over his right shoulder before shooting Loki a feigned wounded look. 

“I thought it suited my outfit.” he replied, unable to keep the small smirk off his face at Loki’s unimpressed look. 

“It doesn’t.” Loki muttered dryly, taking one step forward so that he was stood at Thor’s side. 

Almost as soon as he had stepped out, a villager rounded the corner and made to walk past, bowing briefly to the both of them before hastening on his way. 

The brief bit of attention was apparently enough to rattle Loki, however, for Thor did not miss the way he stiffened, his pale fingers tangling in the fabric of the too-long sleeves of the flannel he wore. 

“Maybe…” he began, already inching back toward the front door as his next breath left him in little more than a shallow wheeze. 

“We can’t linger!” Thor interrupted Loki’s obviously wandering thoughts with forced cheer, and stepped forward in an attempt to catch his unsteadily flickering gaze. “Let’s head for the gardens.” 

And, before Loki could protest, Thor gently took his elbow and began to lead him toward their destination. 

Late as it was in the day, there were sure to be not but a scant few civilians still milling about. Still, in an effort to play it safe, Thor made certain to take a slightly longer route to the gardens than was customary. 

He was pointedly aware that Loki had no doubt picked up on the decision, given that his brother had spent nearly every day of the past year visiting and tending to his gardens at least once a day, and would, therefore, be well aware of the quickest route there from their home. 

The way he slowly eased, however, the tension practically draining from his shoulders as they failed to encounter another soul on their walk, told Thor that the decision had been the correct one. 

Particularly so when they did finally reach the entrance to the gardens and Loki stuttered to a halt, pausing to release a long and weary exhale that seemed to have been building within him for days. 

And, for all Thor knew, it had. 

“It’s been coming along wonderfully.” he commented, entirely happy to let Loki take the lead as they began their trek through the winding garden pathways. 

Loki only hummed in reply, though Thor did not miss the way he let one hand drift to the side, allowing the blossoms and leaves of the passing plants to brush along the tips of his fingers with a small look of consideration on his face. 

A silence fell over them, then, though Thor considered contentedly that it was the most comfortable silence that had stretched between them in over 24 hours. 

It was heartening, and Thor found himself smiling softly as they continued to navigate their way through the path. 

When they reached the very edge of the gardens, Loki seemed to hesitate, his gaze skittering uncertainly between Thor and the hill before them. 

In return, Thor smiled softly and extended one hand to rest lightly on Loki’s arm, again. 

“Shall we?” he inquired with a widening grin, chuckling merrily when Loki huffed in faux irritation before beginning to scale the gentle slope. 

The hill was small, and took them less than 10 minutes to ascend, though by the end of it Loki was heaving audibly for breath, one hand pressed to his side and a slight flush coloring his cheeks, a stark contrast to his otherwise waxen features. 

“Are you alright?” Thor inquired, leading Loki to sit upon the nearest patch of thick grass. 

“Just--” Loki waved him off, inhaling sharply before straightening in a visible effort to compose himself. “Just tired.” he cast a somewhat wry look up to where Thor was still standing, then. “Despite my, as you put it, copious amounts of sleep, earlier.” 

A blatant self-deprecation bled through into the words, and Thor felt his own features furrow into a small frown. 

“I would have let you continue to sleep, had you needed it.” he protested, though he could not help the lightness within his chest when Loki smirked slightly, _genuinely_ , in response. 

“It’s of little consequence.” he murmured, before turning to face the sea with another small hum. 

Thor huffed, though he did not bother to reply as he took the seat beside his brother, hesitant to startle him by sitting to close, yet allowing their shoulders to brush warmly, all the same. 

“So,” Loki began, after a few minutes of silence, “The bag.” 

“Oh,” Thor blinked down at the discarded backpack, having nearly forgotten its presence entirely, and moved forward to unzip the main pouch to draw out two sandwiches, wrapped tightly and neatly in cling wrap in a way Loki was sure to appreciate. 

“I thought you might be hungry.” he offered, extending one of the sandwiches in his grip to Loki with a small and hopeful smile. 

At the offer, Loki’s features smoothed out into something unreadable, though not before Thor was able to catch a brief glimmer of fear behind his eyes. 

“I am not.” he dismissed, turning away from the proffered meal with a small crease between his brows. 

Thor felt his breath leave him in a small burst, then, and allowed the extended hand to fall back into his lap with a huff. “Loki, you have to eat.” he chided, the words coming out slightly harsher than intended. 

Loki snorted, then, the curl of his lips entirely humorless. 

“Is that so?” he lilted, brows raising slightly, though he did not turn to meet Thor’s gaze. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Thor insisted, just barely fighting the urge to toss the sandwich carelessly to the side, and instead shifted so that he could lean forward in an attempt to catch Loki’s wayward gaze. 

“If only because I care for you.” he added on a small murmur, noting with no pleasure the way Loki flinched minutely at the words. “If only for that.” 

Loki seemed to hesitate, then, his throat working visibly before he turned to peg Thor with an almost desperate look. 

“I--” he began, only to cut himself off with a shallow gasp, followed immediately by another thick and visible swallow. 

“I can’t.” he rejected, at last, his jaw quivering almost imperceptibly before he jerked awkwardly to turn away from Thor, again. “I--Thor. I cannot.” 

“It will only become more difficult,” Thor reasoned, and hesitantly scooted closer to Loki’s stiff frame. “if you keep putting it off.” 

“You think I do not know that?” Loki growled, turning so suddenly that Thor nearly reeled back. “You think that this is a choice I would willingly make?” 

The words were like a nerve, raw and exposed, and Thor felt his chest tighten as they hung between them, slightly taken aback at the sight of Loki’s red-rimmed eyes. 

“I don’t know.” he replied after a beat, unsure of what other answer he could offer, at present, and shook his head. “I don’t know, Loki.” 

For a moment, it seemed that this was the wrong thing to say, for Loki tensed visibly, his upper lip drawing back into an indignant snarl--

Before he paused, brow furrowing as Thor’s words began to register, and he inhaled a sharp breath before falling slightly backward with a gust of an exhale. 

“Nor do I.” he muttered, the words somewhat bitter, and turned so that nearly his entire back was to Thor. 

And to that, Thor was entirely unsure as to how to reply, instead taking the moment to preoccupy himself with settling more comfortably on the ground and returning one of the sandwiches to the backpack. 

His hand brushed something inside the interior of the pack, then, and he brightened slightly as he drew it out, turning the item over in his hands for a moment before turning to face Loki’s still stiffly held back. 

“Will you allow me?” he spoke softly, after allowing them another long minute of silence.

And, when Loki turned to glance curiously at him over his shoulder after a moment, he displayed the hairbrush in his grip wordlessly. 

“I--” Loki’s face wrinkled slightly, then, as his gaze flickered uncertainly between Thor’s still hopeful expression and the hairbrush in his hands. “What?” 

“I only thought--” Thor cut himself off, huffing a bit and raising one hand to rub at the back of his neck a little self-consciously. “When we were children you seemed to enjoy it. And…” 

He trailed off, watching cautiously as Loki’s eyes widened slightly with a memory no doubt similar to Thor’s had been, earlier that afternoon. 

_Loki, barely 14 years of age, having spent the better part of three days isolated in his chambers, curled miserably beneath his bedclothes when Thor had entered the room, tentative yet determined._

_“Loki?” he had inquired, less softly than he should have, more likely than not, and approached the bed with hesitant steps. “Will you not join me for a ride?”_

_In reply, Loki had only curled tighter into himself, his shoulders tensing slightly as Thor did not slow his approach._

_“At least speak to me, Loki.” he had chided, softly. “Let me know that you’re alright, or--”_

_He had broken off, then, taking in Loki’s dark locks, normally carefully slicked back with oils to the point of hiding even the slightest curl, now matted and unruly against the bright white of his pillows._

_“Here!” Thor had cried, crossing quickly to rifle through Loki’s drawers before returning quickly to the bedside, Loki’s soft-bristled brush clutched triumphantly in one hand._

_“Will you allow me?” he inquired, softly, when Loki had only eyed him warily, forcing himself to keep still until his little brother had nodded hesitantly._

_In reply, Thor had beamed, before surging forward to begin taming Loki’s curls into submission._

_It had taken nearly 10 minutes of work, and by the time he had finished, Thor was huffing in exaggerated exhaustion._

_“Your tangles are too much for me.” he had moaned, falling back with a dramatic sigh._

_“Too much for the mighty Thor?” Loki had quipped, turning slightly to raise a pointed brow. “Unheard of.”_

_It had been the most Loki had spoken in nearly three days, and Thor had felt his heart nearly burst at the sound of it._

_“I never said it would best me,” he had replied, puffing his chest mightily before surging forward again to continue to work away at the slowly smoothing locks. “I’ll even braid it for you!”_

Now, Loki was eyeing him with a similarly wary expression, glancing at the hairbrush as if Thor might produce more harm than good with it. 

“I hardly think you even remember how to use one.” he drawled, after a moment. 

“I had hair!” Thor cried indignantly, reaching one hand up to run it through his short golden locks, still in what Val called the “awkward in-between stage” of growing back out. “I seem to remember it rivalling yours, in magnificence.” he tacked on with a small, teasing smirk. 

Loki snorted softly. “That does not reassure me.” he pointed out with a wryly raised brow. “I saw how you kept it.” 

“Yes,” Thor snapped back, “Worthy of a king. You’d be so lucky as to receive such treatment.” He made a show of turning and beginning to place the hairbrush into the backpack, then. 

“I didn’t--” Loki interjected hastily, his features flushing slightly when Thor turned to give him a small, expectant smile. 

Loki huffed slightly, then, and turned away to study the horizon before raising one thin shoulder lazily. “You may do as you wish.” 

He had, however, turned slightly so that Thor might have access to the back of his head, and Thor fought a mighty grin as he scooted slightly closer. 

“Do not startle.” he warned, before reaching out to gather a handful of Loki’s matted curls into one hand.

He began brushing slowly, beginning at the tips of Loki’s locks and working his way to the top, not missing the way Loki trembled softly when the bristles of the hairbrush grazed his scalp. 

“Do you remember,” Thor began speaking lowly, hoping the words might ease some of the tension still tightening his brother’s shoulders. “When we used to hide from each other in mother’s gardens?” 

He huffed a small laugh at the memory of Loki, small even compared to other Asgardian children his age, curled beneath one of the rose bushes in Frigga’s gardens, the secrecy of his hiding place guaranteed were it not for the faint giggles he would let out whenever Thor would pass unwittingly. 

Beneath his hands, Thor could feel the muscles of Loki’s neck stiffen slightly, before he relaxed and hummed softly. 

“It was hardly your strong suit.” he replied, flashing a brief smirk over his shoulder when Thor gaped indignantly. 

“As I recall, brother.” Thor chided, “I found you out nearly every time.” 

Loki hummed briefly, again, before his shoulders slumped minutely, and Thor watched as another sort of tension entirely beginning to build beneath the muscles there.

“I suppose you may have had the upper hand, once or twice.” he murmured, the words so low Thor could hardly make them out, hardly any of his usual mischief sparking behind them. 

And, when it seemed that Loki was not going to elaborate further, Thor returned his concentration briefly to the curls still held in his hand, much smoother and nearly silky, now, thanks to his continued brushing. 

It was a lengthy process, working through the tangles, though not unpleasant. Rather, Thor could remember a number of times in the past that Loki had poked fun at him for his “uncharacteristic patience”, when it came to his caring for Loki’s hair. 

It was, however, rather justified, given that Loki hardly allowed another near enough to dedicate such attention. 

And, in the past, he had almost always begun to soothe beneath Thor’s hands immediately, almost eagerly allowing Thor the privilege of working his hair into submission, when he requested. 

Now, however, he remained steadfastly rigid as Thor continued his ministrations, his breaths held carefully shallow and even. 

“What happened, Loki?” Thor whispered, after another long silence, and allowed the brush to fall from his grip when Loki’s breaths stuttered audibly. 

There was another long beat of silence and, when it seemed that Loki was not going to offer a verbal reply, Thor tugged gently at the ends of the locks he still held. 

“Hey,” he murmured, falling forward to press a gentle kiss to the knob of Loki’s spine that sat directly between his shoulder blades. “You do not have to speak, if you do not wish.” 

He inhaled a tremulous breath, then, allowing his forehead to rest against the base of Loki’s neck for a long moment before he composed himself enough to draw back again. 

“I only ask that you talk to me when you’re ready.” 

At the words, Loki stiffened visibly further. 

Thor, however, pretended not to notice, and simply began to gather Loki’s curls into both hands, now, automatically beginning to separate the strands into the spaces between his fingers as he prepared to braid. 

So preoccupied with re-familiarizing himself with the once familiar task as he was, the unexpected sound of Loki’s voice startled Thor nearly to the point of jolting outright. 

“I--” he began, swallowing audibly before continuing, determinedly, “I had a dream.” 

“A dream?” Thor repeated, just barely swallowing the urge to taunt a further explanation from his brother. 

_“Since when does Loki Liesmith listen to the ambivalence of dreams?”_ he might have said, on any separate occasion. 

And weren’t dreams, after all, signs of an ‘overactive imagination’? How long had it been, truly, since Loki had taken one gravely enough to yield such a visceral outcome? 

The hesitant note to Loki’s words, however, and the way he continued to sit stiffly, as if preparing himself to be mocked, drew Thor up short. 

“Go on.” he encouraged, when Loki only nodded tightly in reply. 

“It wasn’t--” Loki inhaled a shuddering breath, and Thor felt more than saw him fighting the urge to bury his face into his hands, eager to hide himself from the conversation and, no doubt, Thor entirely. “It didn’t necessarily paint anyone here in a flattering light.” 

Thor felt his heart clench slightly in sympathy. He had known that Loki had been struggling with nightmares of varying severity since their time on the _Statesman_ , and in the time following, though he had been under the impression that the dreams had begun to decrease in their frequency, as of late. 

Cursing his own ignorance, now, Thor disentangled one of his hands from Loki’s locks to squeeze his shoulder encouragingly.

“It was a dream,” he reminded, gently. “Only a dream.” 

“Were you there?” Loki near-snapped, though it seemed he had little energy left to heat the words. “How would you know?” 

“I don’t. I wasn’t.” Thor replied at once, not halting his slow weaving of Loki’s hair, even still. “But I might understand better if you were to tell me.”

Loki inhaled sharply through his nose, then, and Thor was briefly afraid that he was going to pull away, entirely. 

Instead, he simply turned so Thor could no longer see his face, shifting to bring his knees to his chest and rest his folded arms atop them. 

“They came for me.” he murmured, after a lengthy silence. “They--they said they had plans for me.” 

“Who?” Thor demanded, aware that the instant surge of protectiveness he could feel beginning to well within his chest was somewhat irrational, yet unable to help it, all the same. “The Midgardians?” 

Loki nodded curtly, once, and bowed his head as if it were a shameful admission. 

“They do not mean you any trouble.” Thor soothed automatically, raising one hand to brush gently at the skin behind Loki’s ear with the pad of his thumb, noting absently the small shudder his brother gave beneath the touch. “We spoke with Strange, remember? They are no longer concerned with your presence.” 

The words were not entirely true, and Thor knew that Loki would have called his bluff, had he been feeling particularly up to it. 

Loki was, more or less, welcome on Midgard. However, this extended primarily to the boundaries of New Asgard and the surrounding villages in their corner of Norway, for the time being, at Stephen Strange’s polite request. 

Not that Loki had displayed any desire to travel much further than that, Thor thought somewhat ruefully. 

“It was not they who wanted me.” Loki was speaking, his words a little clumsy, as if they were leaving him against his own will. He huffed, then, the sound unpleasantly bitter. “They were merely the catalyst.” 

Thor felt something within him chill slightly at the words, though he did not reply, just yet, instead keeping sure not to slow his movements even slightly, afraid that it might frighten Loki into clamming back up entirely, now. 

Loki’s next words, however, nearly made Thor freeze entirely. 

“A means of taking me back to--to him.” 

Thor felt as if the very air in his lungs had been punched out of him, and he mightily fought the urge to fall forward and wrap his arms around Loki’s narrow frame, eager to comfort and protect against anything that might have made him sound like _that_. 

That unsure. That blatantly _afraid_. 

Loki had not yet spoken aloud about the time that had passed between his fall from the Bifrost and their meeting again on Midgard, though Thor knew that it was a subject that weighed heavily upon his mind, the topic a snake coiled between them, eager to strike the second one set foot out of line. 

However, Thor was undoubtedly certain that this was the closest Loki had ever come to broaching the topic outright. 

He did not press, however badly he wanted to, and simply leaned forward to press a barely-there kiss to the back of Loki’s head before continuing his braiding wordlessly, patiently waiting for his brother to continue, should he choose to do so. 

And, after another long moment, he did. 

“They came for me and--and I pleaded--” he released a small, self-deprecating laugh, then, and Thor did not have to see it to know that there was an ugly smile splitting his face. “I _begged_ like a coward. To you. To Heimdall to--to anyone who would listen. And--” he inhaled tremulously, then. 

“And Asgard renounced me.” Loki finally spat. “You--” he cut himself off with something almost like a hiccup, nearly tearing his hair out of Thor’s hold as he fell forward to bury his face in his knees. 

A tremulous silence spread out between them, then, like an inkstain upon a desk. 

Loki snuffled miserably, his shoulders beginning to tremble slightly, and Thor felt his heart twist at the sight of it. 

“Loki,” Thor began, unable to keep silent in the face of his brother’s obvious anguish, yet unsure as to how to continue, even now. 

“As you should have!” Loki snapped, suddenly, though he did not remove his face from where it was hidden behind his arms. 

Thor frowned. “Loki--” 

“If they come for me,” Loki began, and sat up to turn sharply and peg Thor with a somewhat frantic look. “Promise me.” 

Thor shook his head, slightly. “What--” 

“ _Promise_ me.” Loki repeated, both hands shooting forward to grip at Thor’s arms, then. “If he comes, promise me that you’ll renounce me.” 

“No!” Thor reared back in shock, then, his stomach lurching at the implication behind Loki’s words. “Loki, no. Never--” 

“You do not understand.” Loki insisted. “If it comes to it, you must--must--” he trailed off, breath catching audibly before his gaze fell, along with his hands, and he frowned slightly as if almost confused by his own actions. 

“It would be better off.” he muttered to himself, then, so lowly Thor hardly heard the words. 

He did hear them, however, and he felt his stomach plummet sickeningly as they registered. 

“Loki, no.” Thor insisted, reaching forward to place both his own hands on either side of Loki’s neck. “It would not. New Asgard is better for your presence. The people are better for it. _I_ am better for it. I--” he huffed, softly. “I do not know where I would be, if it weren’t for you.” 

Loki’s brow furrowed, his gaze flittering searchingly over Thor’s face for a moment, before he dropped it again and shook his head. 

“It changes nothing.” he muttered, features twisting into a scowl. 

Thor hesitated, then, unable to tell exactly what the root of his brother’s anxiety was (not if Loki did not make an effort to _speak_ to him, for once), but determined to try and fix it, all the same. 

“Perhaps not.” he shrugged in forced indifference, hastening to continue, if only to counter Loki’s slightly crestfallen expression. “But is that what you want? To erase the past, entirely?” 

Loki growled, then, his gaze shifting unsteadily as he seemed to consider the words. 

“Perhaps.” he hissed, after a moment.

Thor would not be perturbed, however. 

“Loki,” he murmured, thumbs stroking just beneath either side of Loki’s jaw. “Look.” 

And, when Loki did not react beyond a small frown, Thor shook him gently and repeated, “ _Look_.” 

“What, you oaf?” Loki snapped, turning finally to meet Thor’s gaze. 

“Look around you.” Thor murmured, reluctantly releasing the grip of his left hand and gently nudging Loki’s chin with his right so that his brother could gaze out over the valley they were sat above. “This is because of you.” 

Immediately, Loki’s breath hitched, his throat working beneath Thor’s gentle grip as his gaze flickered, first over the gardens below, followed by the ever-expanding remainder of the village. 

“None of this could have happened without you.” Thor added with a small, encouraging smile. 

Something on Loki’s face shifted, then. And, though he did not turn to meet Thor’s steady gaze immediately, one of his hands rose tentatively, slowly, to rest on the tail of the thick braid Thor had just tied off, the pale skin of his hands a stark contrast to the dark locks. 

It was only then that Loki’s expression crumpled, his features pinching together bitterly before he turned swiftly and, before Thor could think of how to react, buried his face into the crook between Thor’s shoulder and neck, his arms remaining tight around his middle. 

Immediately, Thor surged forward to wrap both his own arms around Loki’s taut shoulders, his heart twisting when Loki shuddered mightily beneath him. 

“Your foolish sentiment.” Loki snarled, though the words held no heat. “You--you--” 

“Shh,” Thor soothed, moving one hand to stroke firmly over Loki’s arm as the other rose to cradle the back of his head. “It’s alright.” 

“Why?” Loki hissed softly, not unkindly, “Why do you insist upon clinging to such--such an antique faith?” 

“Because it is not unfounded.” Thor returned, immediately, and turned to press a gentle kiss to the side of Loki’s head when he did not respond past a small, unsteady exhale. “And because I love you.” 

Loki froze, his breath catching audibly in his throat. 

And, after a moment, he burrowed further into Thor’s side. 

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, at length. 

“No.” Thor shook his head sharply. “No, Loki. There is no need. You--” he sighed, deeply, and turned so that he could bury his face into Loki’s curls. “I thank you for--for talking to me.” he pressed a long kiss to the crown of Loki’s head before repeating, “Thank you.” 

And, though Loki did not reply, one of his hands rose slowly, hesitating briefly before it tangled into the fabric of Thor’s sleeve, his fingers tightening almost painfully as he pressed his face further into Thor’s neck. 

“It’s alright.” Thor crooned, slowly beginning to rock the two of them as the sunset began to flicker on the surface of the sea. 

“It’s going to be alright.” 

**Author's Note:**

> (yes, the 'look around you' bit was absolutely a call back to the conversation between Thor and Loki in the Avengers, because every scene between them in that movie lives rent free in my mind). 
> 
> what started as a hopeful bit of plotless hurt/comfort between these two eventually developed into this, which has ultimately become a driving point for a continued series following my previous New Asgard fic. not that i'm mad. 
> 
> as always, you can find me on my [tumblr](http://littlekinng.tumblr.com), where i'm most likely venting in the tags of already long-obsolete posts. feel free to stop by/send me prompts at any time! xx


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